Something of a Momorial
By Mark and Claire
me: hey claire. How ya doing?
me: I'm surprisingly relaxed
claire: got your house back..out of towners gone?
cool
me: Sad but sense of relief
me: yeah, everyone is gone, but the house looks like a bomb went off.
it will take most of Saturday to get it right.
claire: i feel..well Wednesday was a good day..i thought and i was so happy ..
i started laughing
was odd..but..i feel like..well..there is a weird thing about her body
me: Laughing is good.
Mom liked laughter. Seems she didn't get much chance to indulge.
claire: like..hmm..like not wanting others to touch it..and I'm not one for cremation..don't like to think about that part
me: Yeah. I'm not in favor of the cremation.
Mom's wishes though.
me: I'm really struggling with the scattering part. I really don't want to go to CA and do all that.
Elaine took a bunch of pictures. I think she is sending you the camera.
claire: ok
she wanted to blow in the wind
let all just pass through
painless and easy
claire: be free
be what she wasn't
me: yeah
Blake said he read a bunch of her journals
Diana and Elaine too.
Erik too
claire: wild even..apart of the nature
oh yes?
me: they all had different reactions.
Blake found it beautiful, the writing and structure.
Elaine said it was a bunch of really bad poetry with some gems and sadness.
Diana said mom was so alone it hurts
Erik said it was depressing and made him sad to think mom was so lonely
I haven't read it
claire: she was a very lonely person
me: Alone, alone. All all alone. Alone on the wide wide sea.
claire: i can see how that happened..i know ..we share some qualities..when i was ill..we spoke..and i have had some of the pain she had
sometimes you cant get out of what is not good...there is no way..i think she felt for a very long time..there was no point
we all know she gave up
but somethings you don't control
it wasn't all her own doing
me: she never went through the whole paschal mystery
except maybe right at the end.
no, it was not all her own doing.
but, she made some decisions that I think held her in stasis.
Like not wanting to risk being hurt again.
claire: aye yes..but my point is..some don't have what you need to move on
me: She never went through the suffering, death and burial of her marriage to dad.
She never let her old self, the married mother of seven, ascend.
claire: sometimes it just doesn't get better..if you start with the premise its pointless..
there you stay
me: She never accepted the new spirit that is that of a middle aged divorced woman.
she was dead but she was still alive. Trying to stay with the dead spirit of a married mother of seven.
You are right. She did not feel she could do anything, it all did seem pointless to her.
it is sad.
it was pointless to try to animate your body with the past life.
claire: yes
so she never moved past what she was no longer
me: exactly
I think I may cut and paste this and put it on my blog. How do you feel about that?
claire: fine..can you correct the spelling![[tongue]](https://mail.google.com/mail/images/cleardot.gif)
me: what's wrong with it? Teh means Tea in Spanish.
me: Yeah, I'll correct it.
I love you.
claire: i love you
simple yes?
claire: *grins*
me: say this out loud:
claire: yes..ok..
I'll go look that up now hehe
me: look up what?
you could use "Isle of View"
if you say it out lout, it sounds like I love you.
claire: ones perspective must not become fixed
claire: hehe its more..i say i love you
me: Or, one could fix one's perspective on something that really does not change. Use it like a navigation resource, like the North Star.
claire: dear lord..had to sneak him in
me: Well, now, I never mentioned anybody.
claire: ?
me: On mine it turns into a cool guy with sunglasses.
do you see it?
me: I must actually return to working. I just saw you online and wanted to say HI and Isle of View.
me: See ya
Hugs and kisses all around.
Spank Rose for me.
claire: okay will do
be happy
me: Take care. Call anytime
me: Keep the faith, baby.
claire: peace love and apricots
me: who put the ape in apricots?
Courage.
Be not afraid.
claire: ricots some other ,,you lost me now
me: Lost you?
where are you?
England, right?
claire: here in jolly o'l england
aye that'l be right lad
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