Saturday, October 09, 2004

"Do monkeys go in 180 or 360?"


"Do monkeys go in 180 or 360?"

(pause) "Honey, you're dreaming."

"No! Do monkeys go in 180 or 360?"

"Wha--(pause) you're dreaming."

"Don't you remember the fair?"

"The fair!? What?"

"Do monkeys go in 180 or 360?"

"You're dreaming."

"Don't you remember? Celia got a write up. For not taking care of the monkeys!"

"PuppyCat. You're having a dream."


Friday, October 08, 2004

What I Learned From Tonight's Debate

Santa Kerry is going to give me everything and it won't cost me anything.


Thursday, October 07, 2004

Hours of Grand Diversion!

Go here and play with an interactive map to see what you need to get your man voted into office: Special: Decision 2004

I've Been Wondering About This

One of the most confusing things to me about Iraq was this incongruency: If Hussein did not have nuke and bio/chem weapons programs, why wouldn't he just let the inspectors verify that? It is largely because he refused to give them free reign, and generally screwed with them while they were there, that made me think it likely that he had something to hide.

Either that, or he was a sadistic madman, because why would you risk all out war, and the deaths of tens of thousands?

As it turns out, it may simply have been the macho need to be perceived as 'tough'. From The Christian Science Monitor:
The reason Hussein gave up his weapons program, the report concludes, is that the UN-sponsored embargo of oil exports denied him the billions and billions of dollars needed to keep them going. But in order to maintain prestige among Arabs and deter another war with Iran, Hussein kept secret for many years that he had abandoned the programs. (Emphasis mine.)
It also appears that the Sanctions prevented him from moving forward with his weapons program by cutting off necessary funding. Lastly, it appears his regime was able to last for these reasons:
He also tried to undermine the sanctions by exploiting the UN's Oil for Food program. He bribed leading figures in the UN, France, China, Russia and elsewhere with oil-export contracts to earn more than $11 billon to keep his regime afloat.
Follow this link: The Christian Science Monitor


Why I’m Not “feelin’” John Kerry

By Mark Connolly
Editor, Dallas Bureau

A lot is being said, and more is being not said, about the candidates and why you should vote or not vote for one or the other. Unfortunately, a lot of conversation among friends and relatives revolves around what The Media has determined to be the core issues. I’ve been dealing with a huge amount of frustration because of this fact, and after a large Tex Mex lunch, and a 2 hour workout in a martial art called Silat, I drifted off to the sweet sweet oblivion of an apparently dreamless sleep.

And woke to a revelation.

So, I am going to share with anyone that cares, why I am voting for Bush. Most of the reasons have nothing to do with what has been on radio, TV, or in the newspapers. These are just the issues that matter to me.
(continued from page 1)
First, I would like to delineate two ‘reasons’ for selecting a president over which people argue and about which I don’t really care. I’ll attempt to be brief.

1. Abortion. I don’t care. The president doesn’t write abortion law; I don’t care what his stance is. Yes, I am a man (thank you for noticing) and so some will think it is not surprising that this issue of a women’s choice means nothing to me.

Au contraire.

Gentlemen, if us men would act responsibly, the abortion issue would go away. I have never put a woman in a position where she might have to choose. And it’s not because it wasn’t hard. (Pun intended.) But it wasn’t right. No woman will ever have to choose because of my actions. That kind of makes it my decision, doesn’t it. My right to choose. I don’t need the US Government to rein in my dick. It goes where I tell it to go. Granted, men are pricks. Almost literally in some cases. And women are put in a position where they have an unwanted pregnancy. And, YES, the President will appoint judges to the Supreme Court. But, those appointees are subject to the approval of Congress. Relevant information about Congress is below. So, guys, stop being pricks, and the abortion issue will go away. And don’t act like it is impossible. Grow Up.

2. Economic policy. I don’t care. That is the job and arena of your local politicians and the Congress. If everyone would vote responsibly in their local elections, the perceived power of the President in these areas would diminish. Put people in the House and the Senate that represent YOU. That is their job.

The President’s job:

A) He is to Defend the Constitution.
B) He is Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States of America.
C) He is to Receive Foreign Visitors.

There is a reason why it is called the Executive Branch. And there is a reason Congress is the called Legislative Branch. And a reason why Congress, NOT THE PRESIDENT, sets the budget. So, if you are worried about economic issues (or abortion issues), look to your Representatives and Senators.

When I vote for President, I look at his job description, listed above. Within that context, I will now delineate problems that I have with George W. Bush. I will write as if I were addressing him, as it suits my megalomaniacal mood right now. You may find this odd. But, the title of my post is Why I’m Not Feelin’ John Kerry. Bush is not perfect, and I’m not going to pretend I don’t see the warts. Let’s discuss them, shall we?

1) Defend the Constitution. Constitutional amendment to define marriage? You would support that? WHAT? Goddammit. You are supposed to defend the Constitution, not make a mockery of it. Besides, that is very arguably a States Rights issue, and not your purview. I’m ashamed of you.

2) Commander in Chief. The war in Iraq. You should tell the people the whole ugly truth. Iraq is strategically located. We are building 6 massive bases there. We will be able to instantaneously affect issues in the Middle East on a scale that strategists haven’t begun to think about. (I think I got that information from Cancer World) Someone in your administration is thinking long term. I am impressed with the fact that when you said War on Terror, you By God Meant WAR ON TERROR. But, that’s all been lost in the political sniping. Just tell the world the Truth: The United States Will Not Be Fucked With.

a) WMD. I don’t know who coined this phrase, but I cringe every time I hear it. I cringe because it is a made up term used to scare people. It lumps Chemical and Biological weapons in with Nuclear Weapons. You, or someone in your administration, knew that the evidence for Saddam having a nuke program was minimal. We also knew that he did have chemical weapons. He’s used them. Oh, and we sold some to him. So we had the bill of sale to prove it. But, militarily, Chemical and Biological weapons are primarily psychological in nature, and easily defended against. They are not capable of Mass Destruction. They just aren’t. It was a marketing term used to help sell a war.

I’m ashamed of you.

Especially since there were a lot of very good reasons for going to war in Iraq which have been shoved aside and not discussed because of the glaring fact that there were no nukes, and no nuke program found in Iraq. All the very good reasons for going to war are impossible to talk about now, you buffoon, because it just looks like an attempt to validate what you are doing there, and you have a credibility issue now.

3) Receive Foreign Visitors. Since (I think) the time of George Washington, this has been interpreted as setting foreign policy. On this issue, despite the whining about “The Coalition, My God the Coalition!!”, I really don’t have a complaint.

I would now like to address “Political side roads and distractions that are really cutting into quality political discussion.”

1. The Swift Boat Vets For Truth. Who cares? I don’t care. John Kerry was given three purple hearts by the military. THE END.

2. Kerry’s Viet Nam service is not an issue any more than Clinton’s dope smoking and draft dodging were. Viet Nam service is not a qualification for President of The United States. There are a lot of Vets from Kerry’s era that are living under bridges (a national shame completely ignored by everyone.) They’re obviously not qualified to be president. So, Who Cares about Kerry’s service? Not me.

3. Bush’s National Guard Service. See above paragraph, substitute Bush for Kerry, reread. Who Cares?

4. The Republican’s are trying to disenfranchise niggers. Oops, does that word offend you? Good. That’s what the Democrats are really saying. That Republicans don’t want no niggers votin’ (insert toothless grin).

Almost as offensive is the Democratic attempt to say that Bush wants to reinstate the draft. Rangel, a Representative from New York (Democrat) introduced HR 163 to reinstate the draft. He has his reasons. He is representing his constituency. Good for him. That is the democratic process.

So, why is the seed planted that Bush wants the draft? To scare voters. And why is the seed planted that Jim Crow is back? To scare voters. And why do they need to scare voters? And why aren’t voters offended by these heavy handed attempts to dupe them?

Don’t we realize the Democrats are calling voters stupid?

5. I have tried to come up with specific similar scare tactics being used by the Republicans, but have not as yet. I’m sure someone will assist me. ;-} But please, be specific, and be able to support it. Don’t say “Bush is trying to scare voters with the specter of terror.” I’m sorry, but the specter of the WTC collapsing still scares me. I don’t need any scaring there. And I have addressed the WMD issue above, so let’s not be repetitive. Well OK, maybe one:

6. Flip Flop. Without looking at the specific bill, you don’t really know what Kerry was voting for or against. I can see a lot of possibilities. For example, maybe the infamous vote regarding funding for the troops was 85 billion dollars for pink fuzzy Q-Tips. Or, maybe, he was in favor of a competing bill. Or, maybe, when he realized that the vote was going to be nearly unanimous, he voted against it as a statement, just so he could say, should it become politically expedient, that he was opposed to it. Regardless, you can’t be a politician without someone being able to pull soundbites that make you sound stupid, especially when taken out of context. This whole flip flop thing pulls minds away from things that matter.

So, what, in my lofty opinion, are issues that matter? Well, to me, it’s about the terrorism; to be specific, it is about the islamofascist brand of terrorism. I don’t use that word loosely. Those guys will detonate a nuke in the United States if they can.

Then what?

They have to be stopped. And I’m sorry, it is not like one of those jigsaw puzzles you got when you were a kid, where the pieces were different colored large identifiable plastic shapes, of which there were about 9. You know, you could almost just fit the pieces together as you picked them up.

No, this is a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle of a cloudless summer sky.

In a lesser sense, it is also about oil. And, for me, it is about the United Nations as well, an organization that I have come to believe is illegitimate by any measure you choose to use, and has squandered it’s potential by choosing greed and vice over it’s lofty founding principles.

Ok, so, why am I not Feelin’ John Kerry? Fair question.

I have to start with an Exclaimer Disclaimer®. I have a sister that said, “I just don’t like Bush. Something about him bothers me, and I can’t vote for him.” And you know what? I’m OK with that. It’s a gut feeling, and she’s going with her gut. Which really means to me that for reasons she really hasn’t explored, and therefore has a hard time articulating, she just can’t vote for Bush.

Of course, I’m OK with that because it’s how I feel about Kerry. But, I will attempt to explain, using the criteria of the job of president, as listed above.

1) Defend the Constitution. I don’t have any specific issues with Kerry here.

2) Commander in Chief. I have a Problem with him here. Based on 20 years of his actions in the Senate.


His past performance scares the bejesus out of me. Political Expedience, thy name is John F. Kerry.

(For those that will say, Look at Bush and Iraq and his performance, all I can say is that Johnson thought we were losing the war in Viet Nam while looking at the three TVs in his office during the Tet Offensive. If you don’t understand the relevance, you’ll have to do some research. Suffice it to say, CNN is not telling me how the war in Iraq is going. And war, goddammit, is war. Anyone that thinks they understand that, that has not been in combat, does not know what they are talking about, and I don’t care what their opinion is. So, whatever their concept is on how things are going, BAH!)

Kerry has said nothing to me that makes me feel he understands the 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, let alone that he can even tell which side is the sky side. Some of his pronouncements on establishing a coalition are just naïve.

For example, the whole issue of the Coalition. It was never ever going to happen as he describes. There was too much self interest at stake on the part of Germany and France. Understand this clearly (and yes, this is my unsupported opinion, but you can’t prove a negative, and they have done nothing to indicate otherwise) Germany and France were never going to join in the Grand Diversion in Iraq.

Not gonna happen.

Kerry says he will not let any country have veto power over his desire to protect our nation. OK, fine. But, how long will you hold yourself in check, pleading with other nations before you decide to act?

This is my non-supportable position: Some people come out of war so horrified by it, that they believe that war is to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. I cannot in good faith elect a person to command our military when I believe he fundamentally disagrees with the very concept and purpose of that military.

3) Receive Foreign Visitors. Kerry has played at foreign policy. I have no doubt that when he says he’s been involved in foreign policy over the last 20 years, that he really believes he has BEEN INVOLVED. Kind of like the girl in the ticket booth is involved in a Broadway musical. She knows all about the musical. Understands how the staging is done. Rubs elbows with the actors. Brings coffee to the directors. Once, she was even asked for her opinion. She knows and understands the play. She even has the lines memorized. And, she believes that she deserves the lead role. She can do it better. She tells her friends she can do it better, and her friends believe her. After all she’s been working with the theatre for 20 years! She must have learned something about the process.

But Kerry’s fundamental misunderstanding, or else his deliberate misstatement, about a coalition and his belief that he could put together a ‘legitimate’ coalition, demonstrates his naïveté regarding foreign policy. He is overly impressed with himself, and would be a foreign relations disaster.

Kerry has also made it clear to me that he finds the United Nations to be a credible organization. I don’t. I find the United Nations to be a sham. Based on things like using ambulances to ferry missiles. Or the Oil for Camembert scandal (that no one seems to care about.) I simply don’t feel Kerry is qualified for the job of setting foreign policy.

So, in two out of three areas that I feel actually matter regarding the highest office in the land, I simply cannot vote for Kerry. And that is why I’m not feelin’ Kerry. Ψ

See Feelings on Page 9

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Kerry Caught Playing With Himself

Candidate Displays Flexibility; Ball Handling Ability

Monday, October 04, 2004

"You must remember this, a kiss is still a
kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A
classic story of love in trying times, chock
full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously
believe in true love, but you're also
constantly aware of practicality and societal
expectations. That's not always fun, but at
least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis
get you down too much.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

Straight Shooting Cowboy, or Politically Savvy Professional Politician?

Due to poor intelligence, the CIA and FBI had spent thousands of man-hours and hundreds of thousands of dollars to arrest a taxi driver with a stack of falsified immigration documents. The CIA's fabricating source was imprisoned and Mekki was on his way to being deported.
This excerpt is excerpted from WSJ's OpinionJournal a feature of the Wall Street Journal that is -- opinion. I kind of like that in a paper. That whole clearly presenting opinion as opinion thing. Rather Refreshing®.

The quote excerpted from the OpinionJournal is excerpted from Shadow War: The Untold Story of How Bush Is Winning the War on Terror, so, you can guess that it is favorable to the Bush Administration. Those of you pre-disposed against Bush, may find the article interesting to read anyway.

Our country's approach to terrorism has been complicated by expedient decisions made for political purposes. (Or is that political decisions made for expedient reasons?) This article points out (among many other things) how political expediency may save political careers, yet cost lives.

It is very long, but, it's worth a read. fb

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Creationists Out Breed Evolutionists

Evolutionary Theory Proved

By Mark Connolly
Editor, Dallas Bureau
In what theologians are saying is proof that God has a sense of humor, evolutionary pressures are self selecting Creationists for evolutionary success, relegating Evolutionists to the back of the gene pool.

"The breeding habits of various religious groups such as Catholics and Mormons results in family counts of 15 or more", says noted evolutionary theorist, Dr. Chuck Derwin.

"Typical Evolutionists, with our non-viable species supporting birth rate of only 1.2 babies per family, are simply being bred out of existence." He stood for a moment, a bemused expression on his face.

"It appears - it appears that... that we're just another evolutionary dead-end", Dr Chuck stammered.