Senator Edwards Reaches Out

Edwards Reaches Out To The Religious Right

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By Mark Connolly
Editor, Dallas Bureau

During a Political Rally / Tent Revival, newly ordained prophet of Kerry, Reverend John Edwards, exhorted the crowd to vote Kerry because: "When John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve are going to walk. Get up out of that wheelchair and walk again."

He then looked straight into the camera as he held his hand up and intoned, “Put your hand on the TV screen. That’s right”, he said earnestly, a tear glistening in his eye. “Feel that? That e-e-electricity just as your hand touched mine? That was the power of GOD. Yes! YES!! Brothers and Sisters, The Power of GOD - OF GOD - is commanding you to vote Kerry. Feel the power. FEEL THE POWER!! Now, with your right hand on the TV screen, take your left hand and reach around to your back pocket or into your purse, pull out your wallet or check book, and donate to God’s messenger, John The Kerry! Every dollar you donate is a vote CAST IN HEAVEN! A VOTE FOR KERRY!!

After the rally, some reporters quizzed Rev. Edwards regarding Reeve, noting that he was recently deceased. Reverend Edwards exclaimed “Even Better!” and dashed off. "Wooowooo" he said. "WoOOOO--WOOOooowooo!"

We interrupt this article for breaking news:

This afternoon a brief was filed in Reeve’s home state, naming The US Government and George W. Bush as co-defendants in a charge of negligent homicide in the death of Christopher Reeve. “The prevention of stem cell research sentenced that man to death. A sentence with no parole, no reprieve, no trial, and no charges filed. We will have justice in this country” said Senator Edwards, smiling boyishly into the camera. "Someone is going to pay for this. A lot."
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