or The Glob Re-gurgitated
By Daver
Chief Cynic and Sarcastic Bastard
In an effort to return the Global Exclaimer to its inane roots, we present the first in an occasional series of Global Exclaimer Classics. This is especially important now as Mark has decided to participate in some bizarre Nanu Nanu Rhino thing and may not be posting regularly.
I’ve had so many of them, my friends call me McBarge.
My body is big enough to cruise the Mississip,
because of the burgers that went past my lip.
would soon cause me to lose sight of my feet.
I have a special craving for that sesame seed bun,
that has pushed my mass up to a quarter ton.
but someone’s responsible for the size of my booty.
It’s not my fault that I look like a blimp,
I guess it’s a good thing there is no McShrimp.
and provided fatty foods on which I can feed.
They manipulated me into thinking that I,
had to have Big Macs, milkshakes and fries.
I’ll find a scumbag lawyer and together we’ll sue.
This would be sad if it weren’t so freaking funny,
my bulk will soon be buoyed by Ronny Mc’s money!
What has this great country come to? This idea that McDonald’s is responsible for obesity in America’s children is so stinking ridiculous that it sounds like a bad Saturday Night Live sketch, except that Lorne Michaels, producer of such crap such as SNL, Here’s Pat, The Hot Chick, A Night at the Roxbury, etc., would surely pass on an inane sketch about suing a major corporation because of personal stupidity.
The real problem here is that there are lawyers in this country who prey on poor, simple-minded citizens. You see it everywhere – no matter what happens to you, there will be a lawyer ready to convince a jury that it was not your fault. You’ve got cancer because you smoked two cartons a day for twenty years – RJ Reynolds is responsible; you’re as big as a house because you eat fast food for every meal – McDonald’s and Burger King should pay; you’re teenage son goes on a shooting spree because you’re clueless about his life – you should sue Marilyn Manson. The list could go on forever!
This is just more proof that not everyone should be encouraged to be fruitful and multiply! Maybe lawyers should be spayed and neutered as soon as they pass the bar (hmmmmm?).
That’s it for the rant! I’m off to find someone to sue. God bless
3 comments:
OMG...now that was funny. I think I will have to link up to you in the next day or so and share that. It is so right!
have u seen the movie Super size me? from ali
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