Friday, July 23, 2004

Madame Boverie goes 7 days without smoke

RJ Reynolds in a Panic

Mark Connolly
Editor, Dallas Bureau

Dateline: RJ Reynolds Situation Room

The announcement caused the same type of panic reaction that "Core Meltdown" would cause in a nuclear power plant. "Madame Boverie has succeeded in avoiding cigarettes for one full week!" Klaxons sounding, rotating beacons rotating, the executives were briefed.

"The first sign was a precipitous drop in sales for the week" stated the Chief Investigator. "Investigators were mobilized to the local 7-Elevens to ascertain the cause. It became immediately evident. Cigarette stock was literally flowing out the front doors. The managers were at a loss. They had simply ordered the usual amount, but they were not purchased."

He went on to say, "This precipitated a search of credit card activity in the three affected stores for the past month. The reports, 10 pages long per day for the first three weeks, dropped off to a page and a half a week. From there it was easy to determine what had happened."

Agents were mobilized for a quick visit to Madame Boverie's place of Business, Rosie Palm Reading and Tarock Tournament Townhouse. They confirmed what was becoming dreadfully obvious.

She had quit smoking.

"Oh, the humanity. The large numbers of humanity we have to get hooked on smoking to make up for this loss" one executive was quoted as saying. A lucky strike team was sent to India the next day to get the hitherto untapped 6 and 7 year old prospects introduced to the coolness of smoking. Ψ

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